Sex sex sex blog post sex

So today was an ultra-lazy day; I didn't even go outside! To detract from my slovenly feelings, I shall tell you an analogy I came up with today:

Television is like food-- in many, many ways. But the analogy of the day (or AOTD, if you will) is this:

Television programs are like food-- you watch/eat the best/yummiest when you have a wide variety of options, but when you're bored/starving and all you can find is junk, you take what you can get.

So how does this relate to my day today? Well, dear readers, all of my TV shows are over. Re-runs just aren't doing it for me right now. So, I noshed on some junk TV.

Enter The Secret Life of the American Teenager.

I had given up this show (much like I gave up Gossip Girl) early last season. Those one-hour dramedies are just too much work for their small entertainment value. And while TSLOTAT (I used this abbreviation while emailing my cousin, and for some reason it irked her. But she doesn't read my blog, and I find it convenient. So take that, cousin!) probably falls under the "So Bad it's Good" category, sometimes it's "So Bad it's-- Actually, No, it's Just Really, Really Bad."

But, frankly, I had seen some clips of it on The Soup recently, and I started to kinda miss those sex-obsessed nut jobs. I missed creepily-devoted Ben, faux-bad-boy Ricky, whiny-biatch Amy, why-does-Jack-even-like-her Madison, why-does-Madison-even-like-him Jack, wow-you-look-like-Ashley-Tisdale-but-you-still-are-boring-as-hell Grace, OMG-you-make-my-mom-look-sane-you-are-so-nosy parents, and frustratingly-emotionless Amy's Sister (who is so void of emotion that I don't even remember her name, despite having watched an episode a mere 3 hours ago). I missed the conversations that went thusly:

Ben: I want to have sex with you.

Amy: I had sex, and I got pregnant. No.

Ben: Ok, fine.

Amy: Does that mean you're going to go off and have sex with other girls?

Ben: Well if you won't have sex with me, what else am I supposed to do?

Amy: You could not have sex.

Ben: Sex sex sex sex sex sex pregnant sex birth control sex sex!

Amy: Sex sex friends sex sex sex school sex sex WHINE sex sex I'M A TEENAGE MOTHER GODDAMIT sex!

Amy's Dad: Sex?

Ben: Sex, Amy's Dad. Sex sex sex love sex sex sex condoms sex sex oral sex sex sex.

John, Amy's 1-year-old son: Sex!

So I head on over to Wikipedia's episode list to get a brief synopsis of what's up in that little town where no one learns anything at school and parents act like teenagers. Apparently, a lot. I watched some of the last episodes of the last season, and the first two episodes of this new season, and now I'm caught up.

I feel like I sold out. I'm sorry, 30 Rock. I've lowered my standards so dramatically since you left me.

Am I Paranoid?

Well, yes, but I guess that's not the right question.

I've had a feeling recently that two of my beloved comics are stepping down from their reporting positions. Who, you ask?

Seth Meyers and Joel McHale.

Why, you ask?

I'm afraid that Meyers will soon be usurped by SNL writer/Girl Scout cookie commentator in last night's episode, John Mulaney. As soon as he came on screen, for some reason, I immediately thought, "Oh no, they're testing him out so he can replace Seth!"

Yes, I told you I'm paranoid.

And with McHale's recent Community fame and the addition of Web Soup-- perhaps a "testing ground" for host Chris Hardwick -- Hardwick could easily be being trained to take over.

Is anyone else worried about a sudden upheaval of comic geniuses in charged of ladling us our pop culture news? Sound off below.