Sex sex sex blog post sex

So today was an ultra-lazy day; I didn't even go outside! To detract from my slovenly feelings, I shall tell you an analogy I came up with today:

Television is like food-- in many, many ways. But the analogy of the day (or AOTD, if you will) is this:

Television programs are like food-- you watch/eat the best/yummiest when you have a wide variety of options, but when you're bored/starving and all you can find is junk, you take what you can get.

So how does this relate to my day today? Well, dear readers, all of my TV shows are over. Re-runs just aren't doing it for me right now. So, I noshed on some junk TV.

Enter The Secret Life of the American Teenager.

I had given up this show (much like I gave up Gossip Girl) early last season. Those one-hour dramedies are just too much work for their small entertainment value. And while TSLOTAT (I used this abbreviation while emailing my cousin, and for some reason it irked her. But she doesn't read my blog, and I find it convenient. So take that, cousin!) probably falls under the "So Bad it's Good" category, sometimes it's "So Bad it's-- Actually, No, it's Just Really, Really Bad."

But, frankly, I had seen some clips of it on The Soup recently, and I started to kinda miss those sex-obsessed nut jobs. I missed creepily-devoted Ben, faux-bad-boy Ricky, whiny-biatch Amy, why-does-Jack-even-like-her Madison, why-does-Madison-even-like-him Jack, wow-you-look-like-Ashley-Tisdale-but-you-still-are-boring-as-hell Grace, OMG-you-make-my-mom-look-sane-you-are-so-nosy parents, and frustratingly-emotionless Amy's Sister (who is so void of emotion that I don't even remember her name, despite having watched an episode a mere 3 hours ago). I missed the conversations that went thusly:

Ben: I want to have sex with you.

Amy: I had sex, and I got pregnant. No.

Ben: Ok, fine.

Amy: Does that mean you're going to go off and have sex with other girls?

Ben: Well if you won't have sex with me, what else am I supposed to do?

Amy: You could not have sex.

Ben: Sex sex sex sex sex sex pregnant sex birth control sex sex!

Amy: Sex sex friends sex sex sex school sex sex WHINE sex sex I'M A TEENAGE MOTHER GODDAMIT sex!

Amy's Dad: Sex?

Ben: Sex, Amy's Dad. Sex sex sex love sex sex sex condoms sex sex oral sex sex sex.

John, Amy's 1-year-old son: Sex!

So I head on over to Wikipedia's episode list to get a brief synopsis of what's up in that little town where no one learns anything at school and parents act like teenagers. Apparently, a lot. I watched some of the last episodes of the last season, and the first two episodes of this new season, and now I'm caught up.

I feel like I sold out. I'm sorry, 30 Rock. I've lowered my standards so dramatically since you left me.

TV Connection: Blonde Bombshells

I'm finding so many TV connections these days, I should just start my own TV show that's just cliché after cliché after cliché. It will revolve around a suave, sarcastic 30-year old male and his friends, Sassy Black Woman, Lovable Geek, Stupid Womanizer, and Normal Girl, who he constantly flirts with.

Anyways, back to my most recent tv connection. This one is between The Secret Life of the American Teenager, Glee, and The Office. A blonde super-religious woman who doesn't believe in premarital sex (Grace/Quinn/Angela) has sex and suffers through the consequences (father's death/pregnancy/dumped by fiance and lover)

BONUS: Two of these people (Quinn/Angela) cheated on their good-hearted but naive boyfriends (Finn/Andy) with their true loves (Puck/Dwight).

EXTRA BONUS: Two of these people (Grace/Quinn) were cheerleaders. And wore their uniforms to school like everyday. Seriously, do they have five of the same cheerleading dress, do they do their laundry every night, or are those dresses reeaallly dirty?

Ah well. Any other examples from other shows? I think this one is a pretty good one!

My super special gift

Readers, I have a talent. An amazing ability; a profound gift; a calling, if you will.

Want to know what it is?

I can recognize actors from TV shows and movies and remember what other parts they played in other movies/shows. It sounds pretty easy, right? WRONG.

Did you know that the lady who played that lady who was in a wheelchair on the short-lived TV show The Class played a guard for the battle of the bands in School of Rock?

Did you know that Anna Faris, of The House Bunny fame, played Monica and Chandler's adopted twins' mother on Friends?

Did you know that Paulette from Legally Blonde was on that stupid show Thank God You're Here and now plays the hooker-turned-fiance-of-Ben's-dad Betty on The Secret Life of the American Teenager (and was also on Friends as Monica and Phoebe's friend Amanda)?

There's so many more that I've noticed (always backed up by the trusty IMDB!). Cower in the distance. Kiss my feet. Bow down.

Ahem.

So today I was flipping channels and I see a 1993 episode of some old sitcom, The Nanny, and who do I find but-- wait, could it be? YES IT IS!-- my celeb-crush James Marsden! I recognized him right away. He looked so young!

Side note: I could've sworn the guy who plays Lupin in Harry Potter played the drunk actor from the wedding episode of Friends, so I looked it up and guess what? It's not him, it's the actor who played Sirius in Harry Potter! Funny, huh?

I got it!

Aha! I figured it out. I figured out what they do on TV dramas when they want to add some, well, drama.

Wanna know what it is?

**SPOILERS FOR TONIGHT'S NEW EPISODE OF THE SECRET LIFE OF THE AMERICAN TEENAGER**

They kill off the old, rich, fighting-with-his-children, divorced-then-remarried father/husband!

You want proof, don't you?

Ugly Betty was the first of the three examples. Bradford Meade: Old (check!), super rich (check!), constantly fighting with Daniel (check!), almost remarried-- died at the altar (almost check!)

Then came Gossip Girl and the car-crash death of Bart Bass: Fairly old (fairly check!), super rich (super check!), constantly fighting with Chuck (check!), divorced and newly remarried (check!). 

Finally, tonight brought the The Secret Life of the American Teenager death of Marshall Bowman (via plane crash): Fairly old (check!), kinda rich (kinda check!), was in a fight with Grace when he died (mediocre check!), divorced and remarried (check!)

I would've thought their means of dying would've been similar, but not really. Ah well. A theory can only be so accurate.

Any other TV drama examples of the rich old mean husband/dad dying? Comment below!