A Letter to Teen Vogue

Dear Teen Vogue,

I used to love you. Note the "used to." I just got your most recent issue and am over half way through it and I must say our love affair is officially over. When we started, you represented the quintessence of cool, a delicious taste of what I could and might be someday. But as I collected issues, I realized that I could never be one of those stylish girls gracing your pages. For any "normal" girl you showcase has a quasi-famous or super-rich parent. You may as well rename your magazine "Rich, Quasi-Famous Teen Vogue." You cater to the Manhattan socialites who are invited to events because of their famous artist father or who start a fashion line just because they have the money, even if they lack the talent.

What's more, you're pretentious. I'm sorry to be so rude, but "to plainness honor's bound when Majesty falls to folly" (yes, I just quoted King Lear. I can be pretentious too, so SUCK IT). You showcase up-and-comers, letting your "discoveries" parade around your magazine like trophies to be harvested when they land their first big gig. News flash: no one cares about two-movies-to-her-name Lily Collins. Why do you do this? I doubt it's because you can't get big names for your magazine... so is it because you actually think we care? Or do you just want the satisfaction of smirking and yelling "I told you so" when Lily lands her first big role?

Another thing: why are your photo-shoots so similar and crappy? Your photo-shoots used to be so whimsical and different, while keeping a strong footing in reality. Now it's all neon and chunky necklaces on top of a gorgeous dress that 90% of teenagers can't afford. And even when you advertise something as "budget-friendly," it's still $70 for a shirt. Seriously? Go outside and ask the first ten teens you see how much they're able to spend on a shirt. Try not to pass out when they say "$40 or lower."

I'm just saying, please, get off your high horse and come back down to the world of reality. Otherwise, future preteens wont look to you for their sartorial fantasies as I did long ago.

Sincerely,

Random Nobody

Anthropologie Inspiration for November 2009

I've been pretty busy doing homework (read: watching TV) the past couple of days, and on top of that I've had major blogger's blog. But I'm back! *insert raucous applause*

So I got my first Anthropologie catalogue last week. IT. IS. GORGEOUS.

I especially love the backdrop of the old mansion filled with (fake) snow. Just inspired. Here's some proof:

So whimsical, so innovative, so pretty! Of course I would expect nothing less from my beloved anthro. Seriously, how could you not become enchanted by this:

I dare you. And there was more whimsical fun to be had throughout this catalogue. Class, turn to page 35 for a superb example of irony at the peak of its beauty:

Book with paper pages. Paper from trees cut into tree shapes. All to compliment the Enchanted Woods iPhone dock. A mix of old and new. I love it.

I have no reason as to why I love this. It's just too freaking cute.

I WANT THIS DRESS. I will travel to where ever she seems to be walking (Ireland?) and steal it from her. Seriously. It's gorgeous.

So, dear readers, there you have it. Any catalogues that inspire you, fashion-wise or decor-wise? Do tell!

Photos from Anthropologie's November 2009 catalogue, online here.

Smoke Up, Johnny

Today, I understood two allusions to The Breakfast Club on Family Guy because they had previously been alluded to on Psych and Community.

It just goes to show that TV can teach you so much... about movies.

Mind. Blown.

Ok, so if you've watched the last episode of The Office then you know that

***SPOILER ALERT FOR PREVIOUS EP***

Michael is dating Pam's mom. So I'm watching "Chair Model," an episode from last season, and everyone has to write down someone to set Michael up with, because Michael is... well, desperate and pathetic. Anyway, Jim is writing someone down, and the convo goes like this:

Pam: Who are you putting down?

Jim: Oh, you don't know her.

Pam: Who is it?

Jim: You're mom.

Pam: [laughs] Yea, whatever.

Of course Jim is joking, but STILL! Major, most likely unplanned foreshadowing!

And if it was planned, the writers of The Office have proven themselves even more amazing than I previously thought.

Animal Miracles

So it's a Lazy Sunday and my Tivo is virtually empty. So I see what the always-misguided Tivo suggestions has left me, and it's so random. Some show called Animal Miracles, when I haven't even turned to Animal Planet in years. But it's the best of what I have, so I put it on as background noise.

It has stories of these miraculous animals doing miraculous things. Heartwarming and all, but the show itself, not having video of these occurrences, feels the need to make the victims reenact them. And they are not professional actors or anything (read: they suck). So it comes out pretty over-the-top and stupid.

Anyways, today's show had a dog who located a car crash victim, a cat who was reunited with its owners after 8 years, a dog who saved a baby, and a dog who befriended some prisoners.

The last story is the one that made me pause (or should I say "paws"? HA). It's very sweet and all; the dog gets out one day and, being bored, goes over to the prison to find some playmates. They play with her, so she goes back every day to play with them. The owner calls this the dog's "double life." I say "WTF, she isn't f***ing Hannah Montana" And then the dog's owner talks about Susie the dog's amazing ability to not judge based on those orange jumpsuits:

"I believe that she just sees past that idea of them being criminals and knows that they are very loving toward her and she holds no prejudice."

SHE'S A F***ING DOG. She has no idea that these nice guys who play with her are prisoners or criminals or whatever. Not because she "sees past" it, but because she's a freaking dog. She sees a human with a tennis ball and a nice voice and labels them as "friend." It's not like she's a crusader for criminal acceptance!

That felt good to get out of my system. Now I've got to go. I'm meeting with BB and S to discuss their plans for a rally against universal health care.

BOO!

Decorations: a

Candy: a

Lights on: a

Trick-or-treaters: Never enough, but a

Cats scared/excited by doorbell ringing: a

Happy Halloween, everyone!

Pier 1 is 1 short of a full deck...

What is happening to grammar and spelling these days?

(Notice the card/1 pun in the title.)

So I'm getting ready for a small fiesta we're throwing tomorrow, and I stroll on into Pier 1, looking for table runners and such. Little did I know I'd find something much better...

Can you believe it? "No peaking." Let's look up "peak," shall we?

–noun

1.	the pointed top of a mountain or ridge.

2.	a mountain with a pointed summit.

3.	the pointed top of anything.

4.	the highest or most important point or level: the peak of her political career. Etc., etc., etc. Clearly someone mistook peak for its homonym brother, "peek." Don't believe me? Let's take a closer look:

DON'T PEAK. You know, "peak" can also mean "to become weak, thin, and sickly." So, I guess it makes sense. Play cards, don't cheat, and don't become thin, weak, and sickly.

Sure.

At least they weren't bleeding

So I finally got around to watching last Monday's Gossip Girl today. It was good. Besides the fact that two of the main non-main characters are ugly and terrible actors (I'm talking to you, Scott and Carter), it wasn't too shabby. Lily and Rufus got married, finally. Nate and what's-her-name broke up, finally. Because no one can ever have a long-lasting relationship on this show with a non-major cast member (see: Serena and Cyrus' son what's-his-face, Vanessa and Scott, Blair and that duke guy, etc.). But I did notice something that made me chuckle at the irony of it all:

Those aren't earrings. Her ears are simply crying from the terrible dialogue on this show. Like this: "There are songs that want to make us dance, songs that want to make us sing along, but the best songs are the ones that bring you back to the first time you heard them and, once again, break your heart." Wait, what? Who are you talking about? So we heard a song once and it broke our heart, and now it's playing again. But apparently, it's the "best." I love re-living getting my heart broken, don't you?

Don't Hate Me!

I'm so embarrassed. Don't blame me, readers. It's not like I asked for this to happen. It just... happened. I have no control over it. I'm trying to fix it but it's just not working...

I have Complicated, by Avril Lavigne, stuck in my head.

I even sang it in the shower.

I'm so ashamed.

Please forgive me.

Eye Candy

Drooooooooooooooooooooooooooool

I'm watching 27 Dresses right now, and I thought my blog could use a little decoration.

Enjoy the hotness that is James Marsden!

(Bonus Question: Which was he cuter in, 27 Dresses or Enchanted? I'm undecided)